the A's lightbulb-head... the decision Sunday, August 06, 2006 |
each day, i learn that god has more and more for me to discover and the decisions i'm to face will only get harder as i mature. this maturation coincides with my push to remain as much and as long of a child as possible.
you see, i live each day to speak with "the golden one" and today was no different a day as we rose to hear each others voice. the conversation, casual, led to this decision; led to my current introspection. i discovered that "g.o." is moving from the studio loft to a house with the one she's seeing. what's the issue? well it took me two months to digest her being sexual with someone else & i knew i was in love for her sexual trists mattered little as long as she didn't give her heart to another. in her eyes, as we gave the best of ourselves, i witnessed the very best life had to offer; i understood how a man could love beyond himself; i understood the depth of that which i secretly possessed; i understood that she's everything i've ever wanted & dreamed of. god revealed to me through her life the characteristics; the sustenance and joy i always wanted from someone & this revelation today cut off my oxygen. i fished to find my lungs but the weight had me down like a bad credit report. i used the water from my shower to shield the rain from my eyes as i found myself choking to recover.
all day i had waterworks, trying to wrap myself 'round the decision to let go. do i wish to no longer have the one thing keeping me alive in my life or do i relent to a substitute and reside in a drone state truly unhappy? i've grown accustomed to a scent i wish were bottled and sold, to a smile that livens my life, to sex that's my equal, to a tone that provides peace and to a friendship that words fail to describe. i don't want no substitute and i ask that she not give up on us despite the apparent circumstance. i'm her knight in shining armor and all that god has promised to deliver is reflective of my talent that i'm devoted to give to her. her dreams & her life is mine and all i'm pursuing means nothing without her at my side and why i'm so diligent at my hustles and no sleep. i guess i'm to let everything ride & not that i'd ever wish bad on anyone for my heart lacks the insincerity; however, i discovered god's gift of prophecy years ago and that 'ship she's in won't last - as this chemistry we have.
from her lips i was advised to do me while remaining honest to myself, but doing me means doing her. as i retire each night, i pray that this game which we play called life, isn't a game to her nor a game to keep me around. i hope grounded in her, is a sincerity rooted in love for me. i pray for her to see and go back to the days where she would be with whom she's seeing thinking about me as i do of her daily. there's a reason she did or does & god grant her the ability to know & accept why. baby, i'm ridin' & hear lies the arms of the man that loves even the very worst of you.
you see, i live each day to speak with "the golden one" and today was no different a day as we rose to hear each others voice. the conversation, casual, led to this decision; led to my current introspection. i discovered that "g.o." is moving from the studio loft to a house with the one she's seeing. what's the issue? well it took me two months to digest her being sexual with someone else & i knew i was in love for her sexual trists mattered little as long as she didn't give her heart to another. in her eyes, as we gave the best of ourselves, i witnessed the very best life had to offer; i understood how a man could love beyond himself; i understood the depth of that which i secretly possessed; i understood that she's everything i've ever wanted & dreamed of. god revealed to me through her life the characteristics; the sustenance and joy i always wanted from someone & this revelation today cut off my oxygen. i fished to find my lungs but the weight had me down like a bad credit report. i used the water from my shower to shield the rain from my eyes as i found myself choking to recover.
all day i had waterworks, trying to wrap myself 'round the decision to let go. do i wish to no longer have the one thing keeping me alive in my life or do i relent to a substitute and reside in a drone state truly unhappy? i've grown accustomed to a scent i wish were bottled and sold, to a smile that livens my life, to sex that's my equal, to a tone that provides peace and to a friendship that words fail to describe. i don't want no substitute and i ask that she not give up on us despite the apparent circumstance. i'm her knight in shining armor and all that god has promised to deliver is reflective of my talent that i'm devoted to give to her. her dreams & her life is mine and all i'm pursuing means nothing without her at my side and why i'm so diligent at my hustles and no sleep. i guess i'm to let everything ride & not that i'd ever wish bad on anyone for my heart lacks the insincerity; however, i discovered god's gift of prophecy years ago and that 'ship she's in won't last - as this chemistry we have.
from her lips i was advised to do me while remaining honest to myself, but doing me means doing her. as i retire each night, i pray that this game which we play called life, isn't a game to her nor a game to keep me around. i hope grounded in her, is a sincerity rooted in love for me. i pray for her to see and go back to the days where she would be with whom she's seeing thinking about me as i do of her daily. there's a reason she did or does & god grant her the ability to know & accept why. baby, i'm ridin' & hear lies the arms of the man that loves even the very worst of you.